Sasquatch

If you really know me, you've heard the bigfoot story. If you haven't heard it, you can go to http://www.bfro.net/GDB/show_report.asp?id=2819 and read it. I don't want to write it again because over ten years have gone by and it's still scary! While you're there, check out some other sightings. Just pick a state and a county or read the recent sightings link. Apparently I'm not the only crazy person in the world. In fact, the BFRO reports up to 400 sightings per year in every state except Hawaii. Surely some of these are hoaxes, but all are investigated and only the sightings deemed credible are posted to the website.

I have a confession to make. In the story I wrote, I embellished one detail. Back in 98' or whenever I posted the sighting, I desperately wanted people to believe me and so I added the part about smelling something. I didn't smell anything and I thought that I should since it was right outside my tent. I'm ashamed to think now that I made up even a tiny detail, because it hurts the credibility of anyone who's reported a sighting. Anyways, I want to set the record straight now and come clean. Everything else in that story is the most accurate recollection of the events that occurred that night.

Nowadays I trust myself enough to know what it was I encountered and not to worry about what anyone else thinks or believes. Most of my friends don't believe that I saw anything, only that I believe I saw something. I always tell them to look into it for themselves. It's not a question of belief, it's not some pseudo religion or funky bigfoot cult. The question, to me it seems, is entirely scientific in nature. Does a large bipedal primate exist in North America, as yet undiscovered by science? I think if one really takes a close look at the evidence and doesn't allow oneself to be influenced by tabloid culture, they might be surprised. After all, when I tell my story and explain that I think it was a family of Sasquatch that passed through our campsite, the number one most asked question is always: There's more than one of them? I guess they think it's a crazy hillbilly who made his way into the monkey exhibit at the zoo one night.

What evidence you might ask. Footprints for one. But they're not all the same size. Their sizes perfectly reflect a bell curve. What scientists would expect from a natural population. Some of them show injuries. Better castings show dermal ridges, basically toe prints that have been analyzed by law enforcement professionals who stake their reputation on their authenticity. Hair with DNA that is closely related to the mountain gorilla and humans but is neither. Missing link anyone? I could keep going but I can see my wife rolling her eyes and then stuffing her hands in her armpits and going "whoo whoo whoo" kinda like Pattyo's happy chimp call, only louder and deeper.

Of course, there are those that must see things for themselves. To those brave souls, I recommend attending an expedition. For the bargain basement price of $300 (returners are only $100), you can attend a camping trip in a secluded "hot spot". Your expedition will be guided by "experts" who tote all sorts of sophisticated equipment. Speakers that blast BF screams into the night (listen for the return call and hold on), infrared goggles, plaster of paris, etc. Just don't ask me to come along. I've been there and done that.

Plus, everyone's seen the jerky commercials, "messing with Sasquatch" by now right?