Friday, June 25, 2010

The Dog Days of Summer

Montana got sprayed by a skunk last week. We found a recipe to rid her of the odor and it worked on about 95% of the smell. Of course even 5% of a skunk's nasty devil juice is enough to keep her outside for the week so that's where she sits, outside. You've never seen a more attentive, plaintive looking hound in your life. She's got more patience than I do. I admit it, I'm bored.
My latest diversion is creating a mountain bike track in the green belt behind the house. Who cuts dead dusty grass and then shovels rocks for fun in the summer heat? I need a quarry. The DMV still hasnt' sent me the tags for my boat. I'm the dumbass who kicks himself everyday for mailing it into the massive Sacramento bureaucracy rather than braving the lines at a DMV but then again, standing in line at the DMV is about as fun as a rectal exam but at least I would have my tags by now and I could fight with my wife about something substantial like going Sturgeon fishing or taking the boat to a lake. There's no Salmon to chase nor Rockfish nor Abalone. But I know what it is: I've got my Deer Tags and I want to go scouting.
Sure my kids are a blast but I just get tired of "pretending" to be on Ax Men or Monster Quest. I mean, Tanner's all set to go-Camo overalls, boots, ammo bag, stick gun, etc. but he won't stop talking for five seconds! And his plans change by the minute. First he wants to be a scuba diver so I make him a tank out of a crystal geyser bottle and a garden hose. But wouldn't you know it, now he needs a trail cam to try and get photos of a chupacabra so he drags out the portable DVD player. Now that doesn't belong outside so I have to grab the real one for him and hope he doesn't dunk it in the pool. I used to think I would be one of those Dads who could say no to everything, and I still am to some extent, but I've also learned that just making him a damn scuba tank from a garden hose, baseball belt and plastic water jug is easier than convincing him that he doesn't need scuba gear for a 10" deep, blow-up backyard pool because you can't. The line between reality and pretend is thin indeed. I do enjoy going there for awhile but sometimes I just want to live in the real world without being attacked or on fire or playing super hero:)

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